America won't run over Dunkin'

I feel it is my civic duty to point out that workers that are trying to bring better roads to Maine and the nation must be protected.  Driving in Lewiston, Maine the other day, I noticed someone walking down a busy street near a road-construction zone carrying a box of Dunkin Donut Munchkins. There was no sidewalk and she was walking the wrong way, too.   I also noticed that people were more than polite to give her a wide berth and didn't indulge in any sub-standard driving.  In fact, I noticed drivers being extra careful to avoid running over a pedestrian in their rush to get to Dunkin' Donuts. Ah-I mean-work.
Since America supposedly runs on Dunkin', I propose doing something for our  many road-construction people faithfully holding up traffic all over this great land. 

The most basic improvement necessary is the replacement of orange construction cones with a simple box of donuts. 

After all, people carelessly brush and sometimes even run over on purpose those conical clones.  No one in their right mind would run over a box of cream-filled, glazed, and chocolate donuts.  Unless of course, they were eating a cream-filled donut and that free-fall filling came squirting out onto their lap-or holy cruller-their Blackberry! 
This measure would not only cut down on the sky-rocketing cost of cones, but ensure that our road-construction comrades would be safer.
The other measure is one of simple scare tactics.  I believe that an appropriate message-and by that I mean one that will frighten the fruit filling out of people-will be all that is necessary to curb dangerous driving around these public servants.
I propose outfitting every worker with orange shirts that have white lettering on the front and back that says:

IF YOU SO MUCH AS CREATE AN UNREASONABLE BREEZE AROUND ME YOU WILL BE BANNED FOR LIFE FROM DUNKIN DONUTS IN ALL 50 STATES AND IN EVERY COUNTRY THAT HAS THEM

I believe the extensive lettering required to do this would be more than worth it when it comes to preserving the life of our fellow-Americans.

To glaze over these two common-sense ideas would be a slam dunk for the powdered sugar-induced decay that has set in on our driving habits in these sensitive zones.

This concept strikes me as especially necessary in Massachusetts.  Not only is there construction in the Boston area 365 days a year, 24 hours a day for approximately 378 years now, but there is a Dunkin' Donuts every 425 feet.  Couple this knowledge with the caffeine and cakey consistency of their driving habits, and well, potential havoc awaits.  I have it on good (my own) authority that several workers have been hit by inattentive drivers as they went about their business.  Maybe that's where the idea for Boston Creme came from...
I will be dutifully submitting my ideas to the legislative branch of this great country.  After I go get a vanilla cream-filled donut.
pScott